What to Say (and NOT Say) to a Stressed-Out Caregiver

Because “Let me know if you need anything!” doesn’t count.

If you’ve ever been a caregiver, chances are someone has tried to “help” you by saying one of the following:

• “Wow, I don’t know how you do it!”

• “Make sure you’re taking time for yourself!”

• “Just breathe.”

  
  

And while these comments usually come from a good place... let’s be honest. They’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

So whether you are the caregiver who’s been on the receiving end of these phrases — or you’re someone who wants to actually support a caregiver in your life — let’s dive into what not to say, what to say instead, and how to be less “ugh” and more “A+” in the support department.

❌ What Not to Say to a Stressed-Out Caregiver

🗣️ “Let me know if you need anything!”

Translation: “I’m putting the ball in your court and walking away now.”

😅 Better:“Hey, I’m free Thursday — can I come over for an hour so you can nap, shower, or scream into a pillow?”

🗣️ “Make sure you’re taking care of yourself!”

Oh, thank you! I totally forgot self-care existed between changing adult diapers and managing seven prescriptions.

😅 Better:“I dropped off your favorite takeout on the porch. No need to talk or text — just enjoy.”

🗣️ “You’re such a saint.”

You mean like the kind who sleeps three hours a night, cries in the laundry room, and hasn’t washed their hair since Tuesday?

😅 Better:“I know it’s hard, and I see how much you’re doing. You don’t have to be perfect.”

🗣️ “Everything happens for a reason.”

Unless that reason is “the universe thought you needed a character-building side quest,” this one isn’t helping.

😅 Better:“This sucks. I’m here with you in it.”

🗣️ “I could never do what you do.”

Cool, now I feel isolated and exhausted.

😅 Better:“I admire your strength. How can I lighten your load this week?”

✅ What You Can Say That Actually Helps

• “What’s the most stressful part of your week right now?”

• “Can I bring groceries or do a Target run for you?”

• “Do you want to vent, problem-solve, or just have someone sit with you in silence for 10 minutes?”

• “I love you. No judgment. I’ve got your back.”

Bonus points if you show up with snacks. Snacks are the love language of caregiving.

💡 Final Thought: Caregivers Don’t Want Pity. They Want Practicality.

Caregiving isn’t a Hallmark movie. It’s messy, beautiful, exhausting, and full of love and unbrushed hair. If you really want to support a caregiver, show up with action, not platitudes.

And if you are a caregiver reading this? Forward it to the people in your life with the subject line:

“How to Not Say Dumb Stuff to Me Right Now” 😅